markED.

I love the meaning of this song. It was about someone who never believes in possibilities.. in love. But she found someone to be the only exception.

“I’ve always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk.”

I can deeply feel the meaning of these lines. Because it’s true. It feels like I’ve built a ten foot wall around myself just to keep everyone else out. I admit, I never had the courage to take that risk. Well, I’ve tried before, once or twice.. but as far as I can remember, it was two years ago, when I let myself into something improbable. And since, I’ve always find it that way.. I never tried to give it a try again until now.

I’m asking myself too.. why do I have this belief when it comes to love? I dunno. And if you’re going to ask me, I wouldn’t find an instant answer. Meaning, everything I believing in, just come from nowhere. I believe in it, but can’t find any reason to answer the question Why..

I believe that nothing is probable, not even possible, when it comes to love.

How have I come to this point?

Maybe it’s because of my experiences. I’ve always come to love someone who doesn’t even know how I feel for him. Well, it’s my fault, because I didn’t even want him to know about it. It’s a choice made. Just like what I’m used to say, “Loving someone is a choice. But being loved by that person is not a part of that.” Because that thing is not part of the choice you’ve made. It belongs to the choice to be made by the other person.

“It’s easy for me to answer because I don’t know what’s going on.”

Right. He said that to me. And it feels like a stone hit my head suddenly. How would he make a choice over something unrevealed?

Thinking about it, yes, some point are right. But I can always come up with a thousand reason to oppose these ideas.

i.e

If I let myself known, that’ll be embarassing.

If I let myself known, he wouldn’t even mind.. at all.

If I let myself known, I won’t be getting any good in return, but hurt feelings.

On the last one, it’s not as if I’m asking to be loved in return. NO!
The hurt feelings will be coming from the two points that I have given. He wouldn’t mind. He never will.

Sigh…….

“You are the only exception..”

I can’t sing this part that much. Probably because I haven’t found that only exception.

“and I’m on my way to believing..”

Nor this line. Because I’m not even in the road of possibilities. How would I make myself believe, then?

But there is one thing I never get tired waiting for…

In God’s time, I know, I will have my own love story. And that’ll be the best one..ever!